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When Heather Feeney was born in New Mexico the sun was too bright and the air was too dry. She moved to California in 2001, where she has found the weather to be slightly more agreeable.
She loves ice cream with an unhealthy fervor and she will dance to any music which is played. In demographic surveys Heather checks the box which says "Female" and plans to be for the rest of her life,
she also checks the box which says "Hispanic/ Latino". She does this in spite of the fact that her blue eyes and pale skin tell everyone around her that she is not Mexican.
Her eyes and her skin are unreliable sources; Heather recommends that you not listen to anything they say, as they have been disproved many times. Heather is, in fact, "The Whitest Mexican" you will ever meet.
She attributes this condition to her copious consumption of dairy products and her aversion to coffee. Her mother, who is a bona fide Latina, drinks coffee every day...sometimes twice in one day. Her father,
who is of Irish decent, does not drink coffee, preferring instead to drink tea. Heather has tried both beverages and has found that she prefers the taste of black teas with cream and sugar. She wishes that
her skin were slightly darker, but in spite of her overwhelming amount of circumstantial evidence which proves that drinking coffee causes skin to darken, Heather refuses.
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